As many of my friends are aware, my father and I were involved in an awful traffic collision on Thursday night.   We walked away alive  but are still feeing the effects of three impacts that made the car a compete write off.

Last night, I received the good news that the other driver involved in the highway 69 traffic collision on Thursday night is going to be fine. I  also learned that no driver will be held at fault for the incident.  On that highway, especially in bad weather you don’t  have to make a mistake on the road to end up in a ditch, just a little bad luck.  Despite the bad luck, I have a lot to be grateful for.

This is why.

I had a show that night in Sudbury and was feeling run down so my dad accompanied for a show in Sudbury.  We were heading northbound on highway 69 , about a half hour north of Parry Sound.  The road conditions were actually a little better overall than they had been an hour south and I thought the worst of it was over. The suddenly, there was a patch of snow.

It was explained to us that when snow clearing trucks  go over this particular bridge overpass on the highway, there is a bump that causes the snow to pour out of the truck, leaving a pile of mushy snow on icy bridge overpass. The OPP officer said if we had driven over the same spot 15 minutes later, it would have been gone because they would have cleaned it up by then.

When we drove over the snow,  the car started sliding sideways and we bounced off the bridge rail on the passenger side and then 360’d back onto the highway. For me this was the scariest part because we were spinning towards oncoming traffic. Somehow my dad regained control of the car and we began to straighten out. (The cop told us that he was amazed he was able to do that). I thought we were in the clear when we were hit hard from behind by the other driver. This sent us sliding and spinning off the road and we slammed front end first into one of those rock walls you always see on the side of highways. This seemed to happen in slow motion. Slow enough for me think, “This is going to hurt.”

I was not wrong..  The collision from behind was hard but other cars have give.  Rock walls don’t give,

The next hour took place underwater. I’m sure of it.

My front and side airbags went off. You don’t really see that happen. They’re just there all of a sudden and you go,”Oh that’s how those things work, well that’s nice”

My first thought was selfish. Am I dead? I moved my arms to check t  see if I was dead.  I thought that maybe I was dead and dreaming that I was moving my arms.  One arm was sore so I’m probably not dead.  I put my hand to my nose to see if I was bleeding. I wasn’t.  Huh.  Weird I thoughtI thought I felt blood come out of my nose. No. just a runny nose after running into a rock wall.

I asked my dad if he was OK.

He said, “I’m OK, are you OK?”

“i’m Ok.”.

In traffic accidents, OK is huge. If you get to Ok. You’re great..  There was smoke coming into the car. OK was replaced with,  “Let’s get out of here”.

The front passenger door was locked. I said “it’s locked.”

My dad started to explain how he had locked all the doors earlier. I never heard the end of the explanation because before he got four words in, I had run into the back seat and gone out the back passenger side door. I ‘m not into explanations in smouldering cars. I went around to see my dad on the other side of the car and caught the end of the explanation about how he locked all the doors.

The people of Parry Sound are the nicest people in the world living by the world’s shittiest highway. In seconds, we were surrounded by concerned locals that stopped to help. They took care of us till the paramedics and cops arrived. When there were more than enough helping us out, people still  slowed down as they drove by and asked if we needed more people to help out.  I felt like there was a town hall meeting on the highway. There could have been. The highway was shut down.

Officer Woods (if I got that wrong, remember, I’m underwater) of the Parry Sound OPP detachment was great. I apologize for making fun of the condition of the inside of his cop car. In my defense, he laughed and there were footprints on the inside roof  of the backseat that made me certain he had recently arrested circus acrobats.

The medical staff at the hospital in Parry Sound were also first rate. It’s clear that they deal with serious traffic injuries and if you ever have the misfortune of needing their help, you’re in good hands.

There was one gentleman in particular I’d like to thank. His name is Ryan Dover (I think he said he goes by Ben – everything went by quickly) In any case, he works for a company called  Columbus McKinnon and I have his card.

He’s a salesman who was on the same crappy road I was. He drives a lot of dangerous roads, much like comics, for a living. He not only stopped but stayed for quite awhile.  I stayed warm in his car and used his phone to contact the people I needed to talk to. He gave the police a statement which backed up that my dad was not at fault, and drove me to the hospital when it was all done. He kept me in good spirits the whole time and despite the circumstances, we shared a few laughs. He would be an easy guy to go on the road with so in return, I’d like to do him a favour. I’m sending him a copy of my CD.  I’d also like to send him a good samaritan package of different comedy CD’s.  If there are any comics who relate to the gratitude I feel, and are wilting to to donate a CD. Please contact me.

I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas.