I never really bought into the Toronto hate thing because resenting success and money is a tired cliche. Having said that, I’ve got to admit, after living in the GTA for two years, with all due to respect to my many friends here, this place really is douche bag central.

Toronto is the only place I know where people care about the area code so much they are afraid to change their phone number because of status, It’s the only place I know where people are quick to tell you that if you live in the area you’re not REALLY from Toronto.

In Montreal, people living on the south shore. north shore and west island call themselves Montrealers without being corrected. That kind of inclusiveness makes a city bigger and stronger. In Toronto, people are so desperate for status that they pounce on these difference like jealous sorority girls reminding you that haven’t passed initiation.

You know why the Fords still got a third of the vote after lying, harassing and doing crack, because they take the time to hate YOU, the Toronto elite. That fact alone, connects them to one third of the people, IN TORONTO. Of course, they themselves are a bizarre franken-hybrid of trailer park etiquette and white privilege but so strong is the loathing of the Toronto core that even the illusion of hate alone can form a nation.

Is some of it misplaced frustration at their own failures? Yes. Are there are some great places and people. Yes, they are like islands in a stream of self worship. It would be a lot more difficult for the county, (yes country, loathing Toronto is a national passion) to call you arse holes if you didn’t walk around with your head up your ass.  At least long enough to cheer for the Leafs, which if you’re wondering what it should sound outside, just

I perform regularly at Toronto Yuk Yuks. If you’re not really angry with me right now, you may find my CD ‘Scottland’ on itunes funny.